Subscribe

Through the wonders of modern telegraphy, you may now receive updates from this site in your electro-mailbox. Simply enter your email address below:

A Chimp Off the Old Block

Friday, March 2, 2018

Just lying back in the dentist’s barcalounger, listening to music I would never choose on my own, waiting for the novocaine to kick in. The assistant spreads out an arsenal of medieval-looking weapons, while making the sort of small talk meant to relax me before “The Procedure.”

The Procedure, this time, is the removal of an old crown, in order to prepare me for the placement of a new crown, and the subsequent removal of a certain quantity of funds from my checking account. A substantial quantity of funds, but I’ve already braced myself for that particular pain. I have not prepared myself the unknown quantity of physical pain I might experience.

My lips and tongue couldn’t be less responsive if they belonged to someone else. The dentist suggests that I rinse, giving me a chance to demonstrate absolutely zero control of my mouth. Liquids of various descriptions dribble out in all directions… or, at least, in every direction except that of the tiny sink at my left elbow.

In a voice that I hope sounds casual, I ask how difficult it will be to remove a crown that has been cemented firmly in place for two decades. “It’s usually pretty simple. Since there’s a cavity under one edge, it should break loose almost on its own. I’ll cut the crown in half to make it easier to pry off the rest.” That’s pretty reassuring.

He starts sawing through the porcelain. It takes a long time, and my jaw aches from being stretched to its maximum opening. “The porcelain cuts pretty easily,” he says, “the metal underneath is considerably tougher.” I find that considerably less reassuring.

He switches to a different tool, saying that—one time—he went through a dozen #34 tips on one crown. I have a sinking suspicion that he knows that I am no longer in a position to object to anything he wants to do to me. The sawing continues. He stops and tries to pry off a bit of the old crown.

It doesn’t work.

The sawing continues, going back and forth between the tools used for porcelain and the now infamous #34s. He says that he’s had to saw the old crown in eighths. He resumes the prying maneuvers.

It still doesn’t work.

He asks the assistant for “the tapper.”

“The tapper” sounds so much better than “the hammer.” But it is a hammer. It’s accompanied by “the chisel.” For the next half hour, my hyper-extended jaw is twisted sideways from repeated blows. At one point he asks me to keep my eyes closed, because a flying chip of my former crown has landed just below my left eyelid. I’m happy to comply, because—for a moment—I can relax my over-stretched mandibular muscles.

Finally the crown, reduced to a small pile of shrapnel among the dental tools, is no more.

It’s not the conclusion of The Procedure, however. More tools descend into my gaping maw, grinding and scraping, chipping away at whatever had been lurking beneath the old prosthesis. At this point, they insert various devices and substances in order to make molds to be used to manufacture a replacement crown. This means several grateful minutes when my mouth gets to remain closed.


I wonder if novocaine is responsible for this surge of euphoria, or if it’s just relief subsequent to The Procedure, but I start to feel good. It was the result of neither. I am soothed by the attentions of a couple of members of my own species fussing over me. I am just another primate, an oversized chimp as it were, blissfully having my fur groomed by the rest of his troop.

Of course a chimp doesn't have to pay over a thousand dollars for a bit of sociable lice-picking. So who’s the smarter primate?  

27 Comments:

Blogger Unknown said...

Effing ouch!! Double the pain! There is no pleasure...

March 2, 2018 at 10:35 PM  
Anonymous Awanthi Vardaraj said...

I winced my way through this post. *shudder* I've been putting off dental work for years; reading your descriptive post makes me feel less guilty about it.

March 3, 2018 at 12:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I couldn't stop laughing! Sign me Sickie from Peekskill

March 3, 2018 at 8:45 AM  
Blogger Gary Allen said...

Unknown: Most of the pain of this event was imaginary... a mixture of dread and uncertainty about how much longer the experince would last.

Awanthi: This dental "procedure" was like eating very hot chiles... the pain was brief, but the euphoria that followed was long lasting.

Sickie: Few things are more amusing as another's pain.. or even one's own pain, once it's safely in the past. Happy to provide some.

March 3, 2018 at 9:05 AM  
Blogger jms said...

Bomber Jackets
Get Our Famous Hollywood Movies Leather outfits available at our Online Store Instyle.com, We offer free shipping.

May 7, 2021 at 7:40 AM  
Anonymous Do My Economics Assignment said...

Very good points you wrote here..Great stuff...I think you've made some truly interesting points.Keep up the good work.This is my very first time i go to here. I discovered a great number of entertaining stuff in your blog site, particularly its discussion.

July 28, 2021 at 10:24 AM  
Blogger Alexander Debrah said...

Our close protection officers child abduction prevention
are also self-confident. This is a critical trait for all bodyguards. Self-confidence has nothing to do with being arrogant or feeling superior. Our bodyguards are self-confident in the sense that they know what to do to ensure our clients are safe.

October 9, 2021 at 3:23 PM  
Blogger joellreyy87 said...

Your dissertation is one of the maximum essential pieces of research that you'll behaviour at university. Consequently, it’s critical which you get it right in order that it has a superb impact on your Dissertation Writing Service educational progress and, therefore, your future profession. Gaining knowledge of and writing an excellent dissertation requires very particular abilities or even the maximum diligence of college students can battle to get it right.

November 25, 2021 at 6:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Research permits you to reap the grade that you want by imparting a custom-written Do My Assignment of the very best pleasant. At our dissertation writing service paintings handiest the first-class writers inside the enterprise, so that you may be confident that the writer we assign for your dissertation may have the important revel in and educational qualifications for your subject – and that the personalised assignment they research and write for you'll be of the highest educational fashionable.

November 25, 2021 at 6:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those alternatives allow you to overview every bankruptcy of your Pay For Research Papers and request any essential adjustments alongside the manner. This is a superb choice in case your coach is particularly choosy, and works well with longer deadlines. You can choose whilst you would like to receive each component, however, if you aren’t positive of the exact dates, those may be decided after putting your order. In addition to the subject, define the first half of and final, you can pick to acquire each chapter as soon as the writer has completed them. This could include the literature evaluate, evaluation of findings, technique, and dialogue and end – but in the long run it's far as much as you.

November 25, 2021 at 6:20 AM  
Blogger Roman Davis said...

Your whole story seems to be a novel worth reading in my spare time, but it has no other benefit. I like your style of writing, but now I am starting my daily work because I am a marketer, and I have to complete my working strategy daily so that more and more students get benefits from the expert writers of Assignment writing services

January 10, 2022 at 12:06 AM  
Blogger Shawn Abi said...

A cowhide red dead redemption 2 coats is an extraordinary staple for the fashionista who needs to raise her coat assortment, while a puffer makes for an incredible winter coat.

October 13, 2022 at 5:46 AM  
Anonymous theater management software said...

I'm so glad that theater management software exists to help keep track of everything going on during a performance. Dust storms in Sydney can be a real pain to clean up, but with this software, it's a breeze!

November 1, 2022 at 12:28 AM  
Anonymous Earthwork service texas in houston said...

we provide best services in the country , so do visit hastencontracting!

November 23, 2022 at 11:45 PM  
Anonymous Trade advisory services in Dubai said...

Our services are designed to make it as simple as possible for you to take advantage of our excellent offer because we are Trade advisory services in Dubai conscious that your mistake is worth more than any money. Tacb'sFinancial Instruments in Dubai
help will enable you to reach your goals by getting back on track swiftly and simply.

November 25, 2022 at 6:26 AM  
Anonymous UAE gaming tournaments in Dubai said...

We have games for everyone, Dota2 Middle East in Dubai. In addition, ourUAE gaming tournaments in Dubai of experts is available at all times to assist you with any queries or worries you might have. So why are you still waiting? Call us right away!

December 2, 2022 at 9:42 AM  
Blogger Fairy Alex said...

Thanks a lot. My search for a macroeconomics assignment writing help service to assist with my macroeconomics homework led me to your blog. Extremely beautifully written, I must say. In order to read more of your intelligent writing when I return, I'll make sure to bookmark it. Certainly, I'll be back.

February 6, 2023 at 3:01 AM  
Anonymous arixdigital said...

Relaxing at the dentist's office with soothing music, knowing your dental practice is supported by top-notch seo services dubai, ensuring your online presence and visibility are in perfect harmony.

June 5, 2023 at 6:08 PM  
Anonymous ultimatehousegadgets said...

While the procedure of removing an old crown can be a dental experience, upgrading to the best double oven electric range can be a delightful upgrade for your kitchen. Just as the old crown is replaced for a new and improved one, the Best double oven electric range will revolutionize your cooking with its advanced features and enhanced performance

June 5, 2023 at 9:19 PM  
Anonymous INFILL DEMOLITION in Alberta said...

Relaxing in the dentist's chair, surrounded by soothing music, offers a calming experience similar to the meticulous precision involved in INFILL DEMOLITION in AlbertaBoth provide a sense of comfort and reassurance during transformative processes.

June 7, 2023 at 6:09 PM  
Anonymous Combined Pump said...

Its great to see how dental clinics are incorporating elements of comfort and entertainment for their patients. Additionally, the mention of transfer pumps in Dammam highlights the significance of these pumps in various industries, facilitating the efficient transfer of fluids and materials for different processes and operations.

July 17, 2023 at 8:54 AM  
Anonymous menzone said...

A Chimp Off the Old Block" brings a playful twist to heritage. Just as this phrase evokes familial connections, theBest Barber Shop in Canada carves out a unique legacy with each haircut, blending tradition and modern style, ensuring a fresh and timeless appearance for every client

August 23, 2023 at 6:03 PM  
Anonymous Hasten Cleanse said...

This blog entry appears like it would be a real "chimp" to read! Consider researchingvapor mitigation Texas if you've ever had concerns about the quality of your indoor air or potentially dangerous pollutants. Your interior environment might become safer for both people and our primate cousins. Keep up the interesting writing! 📰🙌 Unique blogs and safety issues

September 6, 2023 at 5:13 PM  
Anonymous coffeesupplier said...

A Chimp Off the Old Block sounds like a fascinating read! As you enjoy this intriguing tale, consider sipping on coffee roasted to perfection by coffee roasters dubai roasters. Let the captivating story blend seamlessly with the rich flavors of your brew for a truly delightful experience. ☕📖🐒




September 9, 2023 at 5:54 PM  
Anonymous hastencatering said...

A CHIMP OFF THE OLD BLOCK" sounds like an interesting story. In the world of oil rigs, reliability and quality are key. When it comes to Oil rig catering services in Houston Texas offers top-notch options to keep oil rig crews well-fed and energized, just like this intriguing chimp from the story.




November 8, 2023 at 3:34 PM  
Anonymous electradubai said...

To enhance your reading experience, create a comfortable atmosphere witheglo dubaiWith their innovative designs and efficient cooling, these fans ensure a pleasant breeze as you immerse yourself in this charming literary adventure, proving that a cool and cozy environment is the perfect companion for any captivating story.

December 9, 2023 at 7:59 AM  
Blogger new evolution inter deco said...

Relaxing in the dentist's chair can be a unique experience! Transform your own spaces into havens of comfort and relaxation with the expertise of top interior fit out companies in Dubai, ensuring every detail contributes to a soothing ambiance.





March 27, 2024 at 6:32 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

The Libro-Emporium

Doorstops and lavatory entertainments abound in our book store.