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Trout and Deer

Sunday, April 24, 2011
In the centuries before Europeans arrived in the New World, the trout were practically unmolested. Untroubled by hoards of weekend flyfishers (armed with the latest in weaponry by the great white father they called "Orvis"), the trout grew to immense size. Minnows and insects were insufficient fare for such leviathans -- they craved red meat. Oh, occasionally they would grab a wolf or cougar (you will note, I'm sure, the fact that these predator species are beginning to make a comeback after yuppie fascination with fly-fishing reduced the trout populations to ineffectual levels), but for sheer bulk, venison was the only way to go.

Those of us on the East Coast can assure you that the reduction in trout size and numbers have resulted in a rapid expansion of the deer herds in our area, which (in turn) has led to terrible over-browsing of our woodlands and gardens. Shrubs and perennials now exist only in the glossy plant catalogs, artfully naturalized on our coffee-tables. There are practically no woods with normal undergrowth anymore. If you were younger, you could kneel down and see for miles beneath the trees -- everything that deer could reach has been eaten.

Fortunately, baby boomers' attention is short -- and they have, for the most part, abandoned the streams -- first for mountain bikes; then, as their aging limbs gave out, for four-wheel drive vehicles. I think, if we can manage to keep their sport utility vehicles out of the trout streams, there is a small chance that the normal balance of nature will reassert itself. The deer-eating trout may rise again from the primordial depths to gorge themselves on flesh -- perhaps even the flesh of yuppies.


Anonymous Sasa said...

Love your deliciously laconic writing, hilarious.

May 10, 2011 at 5:43 PM  
Anonymous gary said...

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

You know, I first told that story to a sweet but very gullible friend, some thirty-odd (very odd) years ago -- before yuppies existed -- and she fell for it, hook, line and ...well... you get the picture.

May 19, 2011 at 4:27 PM  

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